Going Viral or How I Try to Give Slippers the Slip

I have a cold. I’ve had it for a little over a week. No need to be concerned – it’s a small thing, a little throat scratchiness and a bit of fatigue at the end of the day. Nothing major.

How did I get this cold? A virus, obviously. But not according to everybody I seem to meet. For them, I have this cold because I am cold.

This is actually an Ebola virus, not a cold. But it looks cool, doesn't it?

This is actually an Ebola virus, not a cold. But it looks cool, doesn’t it?

In Canada, I walk around in bare or sock feet all the time. In Turkey and the Caucasus, a mark of a good host is that they will give you slippers upon entering their house. These are often cheap plastic affairs of the wrong size, sometimes with a high heel, and I am more comfortable without them. Usually I accept them out of politeness, take them off at the earliest opportunity, and then forget to put them back on. At some point somebody usually notices.

Host: Hey, you aren’t wearing any slippers! Did my mother not give you any?

Me: Oh, ah, uh, yes, slippers. Well, you see, in Canada we don’t actually wear them. Not that much anyway. She did give me some, but I just forgot about them. It’s a small and insignificant cultural difference, but I really prefer not to wear them. No problem.

Host: But, you are going to get cold.

Me: No, I swear I’m not cold. I’m perfectly comfortable.

Host: Yes, you are going to get cold, and then you are going to get a cold.

Me: No, don’t worry, I won’t. I won’t get a virus from not wearing slippers.

Host: You don’t get a cold from a virus, you get it from being cold. Here, I’ll go and get you some slippers.

Me: I guess I’ll just get them myself.

At the end of this conversation I feel like I am spitting on my hosts’ hospitality by not wanting to wear slippers; believing that their guest is doing something unhealthy in their home and not doing anything about it might make them feel as though they are a bad host or as though it is their fault that I have fallen ill, and I don’t particularly want them to feel that way.

(Oddly, this concern does not extend to smoking, which has been known to cause far worse chronic and potentially lethal respiratory problems, but hey. Cancer, chemo, cold, chicken soup – they all start with ‘c’ so they can’t be much different.)

Anyway, I also don’t want to create more work for my hosts by making them chase me around the house with my neglected pair of slippers. So usually I put on the damn slippers and then forget about them again, and then I do the same dance at every place I go to in the hopes that I will eventually be able to get away with my rebellious discalceatism.

When I finally did get a cold, I had another version of this conversation.

Host: Didn’t my mother give you slippers? You must have gotten the cold from walking around on the cold floor.

Me: No, it’s a virus. I’m sure of it. Canada is very cold and we don’t just all have a cold all the time. I’m definitely sure it’s a virus.

Host: No . . . I’m sure. It’s because you’re cold.

Me: Okay, fine, I’ll wear the slippers.

I have given up on convincing people of the scientific impossibility of colds being related to actually being cold.* If the fact that I am from one of the coldest countries in the world, have lived in a city that was regularly -40 in the winter time, waited every day for the bus in said temperatures and did not perpetually have a cold does not convince them, I’m not sure what will.**

*Obviously I can recognize that being extremely cold and having hypothermia will compromise your immune system and make you more susceptible to catching cold, but inside it is always above 17 degrees.

**This anecdotal argument is actually a logical fallacy, but it is not only me. All Canadians do not spend from October to April with a cold. I am confident that these results could be backed up with science.

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  1. Paul says:

    True in Poland as well! They also have this thing about catching a draft resulting in a cold: “przewiało cię”, literally, “it blew through you” (and Germans, the internet tells me, have something similar with “Zug bekommen”: http://thedaobums.com/topic/15118-muscle-pain-caused-by-draft-how-does-it-work).

    Not sure about it actually resulting in a cold (maybe there are some tie-ins with temperature facilitating the process, as you mention?), but I can tell you as an RMT that prolonged drafts can cause muscle pain and joint stiffness. I’ve read the articles and have treated the cases: every so often someone comes in who’s slept “funny” with their neck craned, cold, wet hair tumbling over the area, and in the face of a fan or open window. Cold seizes up muscles, wet cold even more, wet cold and strained muscle is worse, and when you prolong it for hours, well… try not to.

    Also, discalceatism, nice.

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    • Kate says:

      Ahh, I’ve been meaning to answer this comment for a while, because ever since you made it I’ve had huge anxiety around going to bed with wet hair! Anxiety aside though, thanks for the tip. I’d never thought about that, but it’s perfectly logical and since my hair is long it probably isn’t a good idea for me to go to bed with it wet.

      Reply