Armenian and Azerbaijani Family Culture. Also, Dryers.

A question I get asked a lot on my travels through the Caucasus is “Do you live with your family?” Since I have not lived with my parents for a while, I usually tell the truth, which is “No.” Then I grin mischievously and say “my parents live a 12 hour drive from me.”

People respond in a variety of ways. Shock, horror, consternation, pity. Sometimes even mild surprise. The point is, that sort of thing is really not normal here.

In fact, in Armenia and Azerbaijan, I was told that while older children have the right to move away from their parents when they marry, the role of the youngest male child is usually to stay. If this youngest child wishes to get married, he must find a wife who will move in with his parents after their happy nuptials. In more liberal families, they may also move into an apartment close by.

If you are an unmarried person such as myself, it is typically your lot to live with your parents until that happy day should come, unless you decide to go away for school.

When I tell people that there are no such obligations in North America, their faces make me feel a bit judged and I begin to feel defensive and like I have to explain that in North America we really love our parents, but that things are just different there.

I had a conversation with a man I met in Azerbaijan about this, and I started to do this.

Me: But, you know, you have to understand. In North America, we really love our parents, but we are just more independent. And lots of people do live close to their parents.

Him: Well, we are very loyal to our parents and that’s a good thing. But in some ways, maybe leaving them earlier is better. I’m 29 and I’m going to the States next year for school. And you know how to do everything you need in a house, but I don’t know anything. I don’t know how to cook or do laundry or iron. My Mom does everything for me. Last time my Mom was sick, I had to take my clothes to my sister’s.

He said this without the deep shame that I can only imagine a 29 year old Canadian would feel at making the same admission. Which is reasonable, I guess, because in Azerbaijani culture this is normal.

Me: Oh, well, laundry’s easy. You just put the clothes and soap in and press a few buttons. Then you take it out when it’s done. If you want to learn how, I’m sure there’s a tutorial on YouTube about how to do it.

Him: Hey, that’s a good idea! I used a YouTube tutorial to learn how to change the oil filter in my car, but I never thought about it for laundry.

Me: Yeah, YouTube has everything.

Him: I also heard you are supposed to separate darks and whites?

Me: Yes.

Him: What about ironing? My sister told me that ironing is harder than laundry.

This brings me to another topic: the humble dryer. As this man will hopefully learn upon arrival in the United States, North America is possessed with this exceedingly handy machine which will perform a number of nifty tasks:

De-wrinkle your clothes (not perfectly, but maybe enough that you can forego ironing.)

Dry your clothes.

Warm up your clothes. There is nothing like a cold winter night spent snuggled up in some pyjamas lifted straight from the dryer, or the feeling after a shower of wrapping yourself in a huge snuggly warm towel.

Kill bed bugs.

Alas, rate of dryer ownership in Turkey and the Caucasus is so abysmally low that I have never even seen one. Everybody dries their clothes on a line, outside if there is sun and inside if it is cold or raining.

I know dryers are big consumers of electricity and that they are taxing on the environment, but when it rains for three days straight, it gets a bit tiring to look at your pants that you washed three days ago and hope that they’ll be dry the next day. It is also mystifying to me that no entrepreneur has said, “Hey wait a second. This dryer thing could really take off in places where people don’t have dryers.”

Alas, no. In a fit of inspiration, I wrote a little ditty to be sung to the theme of that favourite thing song from the Sound of Music.

Towels that are scratchy and jeans that are damp

Laundry racks making your living room cramped

Didn’t think I would say this but I miss static cling

But in this region it’s just not a thing…